Jul
2012
In the Darkest of Nights
There is a particular flavor of loneliness to being awake when everyone else is asleep. You are not alone but you might as well be. It’s not like you have a pressing need that cannot wait until morning. You are just lonely. Loneliness hurts, but there is no pill to make this ache disappear.
The wait until morning seems like an eternity. It is not, but exhaustion makes you more prone to hyperbole. This battle is hard enough on an ordinary night.* It was an almost tortuous experience on the nights without power following the storm.
I couldn’t go online; our wifi was down. I could not read because we had to conserve the flashlights. I was tired of all the snacks that did not require opening our precious cooler or cooking. Literally, the only thing I could do to fill the time was pray. All of my stuff was useless.
I was prompted to recall the scripture that I had read only a few days prior:
Therefore, I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, not about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Matthew 6:25
Seriously, God? This is my life right now.
Do not worry about what you will eat:
There were so few places open, you really did not have much choice. You just grabbed something and hoped you would not regret your choices later.
Or what you will put on:
I had stopped caring about my appearance hours earlier. My grubby old yard work clothes had been exchanged for lighter fabrics. I was lying underneath the window in the least amount of clothes I could. I felt so hot that I wondered if I could have taken off my clothes.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34
Worrying was not going to bring the power back. Concern could not fix anything that needed repair. Everything was in limbo and nobody had any answers. Trying to count the minutes until morning light would not make them come any faster. The quickest way for morning to approach would actually to allow yourself to rest enough to fall asleep.
My heart sung at the perfect answer at the perfect time. My joyful reply started out with gratitude and thanksgiving. It continued until I was incoherent and on the brink of sleep. It was messy and disjointed, but I am pretty sure He understood anyway.
*This does not usually happen, but when this feeling overtakes me it is brutal. Most nights I am so tired that I do not notice pens, papers, clothes, etc. that are in my bed. True story.
Mom
July 20, 2012 at 7:18 pm (307 days ago)or scissors !
Leelee
July 20, 2012 at 9:36 pm (307 days ago)Yes, Mom, I did sleep with scissors once. I thought that was covered in the etc.